Friday, April 27, 2012

Moving makes the heart grow fonder

I have recently moved from the lovely city of San Francisco down to Los Angeles which I affectionately refer to as La La Land.

The land of celebrities, plastic surgery galore, and don't forget to mention the sunshine and beaches. Great place for a girl who has an addiction to scales, has faced an eating disorder, and loves to wear layers.

Sarcasm aside, I can honestly say that I am feeling free for the first time in a LONG time. I am free from my "weighing in" addiction. How is this possible you may be asking? How could this really happen considering my ever present anxiety in regards to this weight I have been carrying around for years. Turns out it's really very simple. I moved.

No I didn't leave my precious scale behind. Of course I remembered to pack my oldest friend. As you know, even the thought of getting rid of this ball and chain brings on crippling anxiety. And so, the scale got packed and just so happens, remains packed.

Yes, this does mean that my husband and I have yet to finish unpacking but in a way, I'm perfectly ok with a little bit of chaos right now. To be honest, I have a fear that the moment I find the scale I am going to want to jump right on it and find out if all of my working out, eating healthy, and lack of focus on numbers is working. I mean, I know it is working because I have been feeling happier, laughing more, and just generally all around a lot nicer but there is this feeling that if I could just see that all of my hard work is paying off then I can prove to myself that I don't need the scale. I can be happy and proud of myself without the added judgement of a number staring back at me telling me what I am worth. Of course this is the whole reason why my scale obsession is out of control in the first place.

Can I learn to love and have acceptance for who I am, how my body looks and feels without a number attached to that? I'm certainly trying to but no one told me it would be this hard. And certainly the land of sunshine, beaches, and plastic people can't be helping.

From San Francisco....
 To La La land....

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